Sex sells – Stephanie has it all figured out

By Stephanie

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place

So after much research, debates, arguments and awkward silences… I finally reached a verdict: The majority of men are fairly simple. Consisting of eating take-out food, sleeping all day and partying all night, drinking booze whilst watching the football/chatting up another “bird” who isn’t their girlfriend just for an ego boost and, you guessed right clever clogs, having SEX…lots and lots of sex.Meaningless sex, meaningful sex, one night stand sex, make up sex, break up sex, angry sex, upset sex, anything at all sex! My mentor gave me access into the mystery of men without even realising it! Before I knew it, I had the key for the minds of all men and all I had to do was action two words: “SEX.SELLS!“ 

Take note and learn to understand just what it means, ladies, because this glorious secret grants us access to all things beautiful in life. It’s only your self-respect after all. Is that new Louis Vuitton bag you’ve been wanting for ages; or the promotion you just don’t seem to be getting at work; the well-deserved pay rise; the adorable kitten you seen advertised on Gumtree or even the reality TV show based on your life, really worth it? Although I personally have more self-respect than to ever use this tool for my materialistic gain (and so should you), the TV is a fountain of people selling sex. It seems to be the harsh reality of showbiz and any other business for the matter.

Nonetheless, one thing’s for sure, you can have great fun (because that’s all it should be used for) using it against your boyfriends (again, I say “boyfriend” because it should only be used against your boyfriend). Just think: you are simply dying for that sparkling diamond ring. It’s been five years since you started dating this guy and you’ve put up with his farting in bed, burping in public, bad toilet manners, bad cooking skills, cutting his nails in the kitchen (why!?) and his inability to answer the phone at all costs – the least you deserve is to hear those wedding bells chime!

That’s when “sex sells” comes in to play…

You may decide you no longer have the mood for sex. You may of had some sort of ”spiritual awakening” and decide it’s best to turn to celibacy for the sake of your condemned soul. These things can happen!

The question here my lovely ladies is, what would he do in this situation? Better yet; what wouldn’t he do? Now, girlies I should advise you that the sex sells idea shouldn’t be used maliciously towards your ever-thoughtful man-friends, but simply be a gentle push and a resounding reminder that you deserve to be treated with respect, love and above all, whatever your little heart desires. But where’s the fun in that?

I say practice using it, then use it again, and again…and again! You can thank me later!

*Note: All articles are designed for light-reading and entertainment purposes.  


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